Working is difficult.
Working in a different country is more difficult.
Working in a different country, where they don’t speak English is practically impossible.
Moving to Italy, Angelo and I were bombarded with the “nonbelievers” the people who say; “She will never get a job” / “work is so scarce in Italy” / “How will you two survive?” you know… those guys.
So well, it turns out it wasn’t that difficult to find work, a place that doesn’t natively speak English, NEEDS native English speakers. Go figure.
The difficult part came in when I’m in the office and what looks like an argument breaks out (Italians can be volatile, and I don’t speak the language very well yet) and it turns out its just one person asking the other for coffee. That’s difficult. Or when we are sitting at a dinner table and the conversation is… well… in Italian… I become just a pretty face. This is when it gets tough, it gets demotivating and I get lonely.
What’s been giving me the confidence to venture out of our little homely cave has been the gym. It sounds very cliché’ and I’m not saying this in the hopes that you will join the closest gym and have a 6 pack within the week. No. That isn’t what I mean at all. I enjoy lifting weights, pushing my body until it aches and making sure that I never leave the gym without being covered in sweat (Gross). It’s something that I enjoy, have control over, and something I KNOW I am good at.
So why do I enjoy feeling like I’ve been hit by a truck?
Simple really, and probably a bit animalistic too, I enjoy knowing the fact that my body is functionally capable of strength, flexibility, and endurance. You see, it’s not something I’m very good at convincing my mind to achieve, direction, focus and persistence, but its something I know my body can do.
Having said that, it takes just as much practice for a lioness to learn to hunt, as it does for her to become strong enough to take down a full-grown buffalo. I understand that I need to train my mind just as much as I do my body to not give up, do that extra rep, and only think “I can do this” because I owe it to myself. I owe it to my future children, and my husband. And I have, well I’m busy.
Instead of accepting something I would rather not, just for the sake of someone else, I say no. I’ve discovered that my words have power and I should stop not using that strength. I need to be proud of the strength my mind can carry, and the weight behind the words I chose to use, and equally as important, not use. I like to be able to stand up for myself and say it as it is.
You see it is the lioness that hunts, she wouldn’t give that job to just anyone. It is her birthright, she was built PERFECTLY to hunt, to provide and to nurture. The perfect combination of beauty, strength and power. I want to be like that, I want to know my place, and step up and own it.
I want to be the lioness.